I have been married for 7 weeks now. Both our spouse past away from cancer. my new husband has 3 daughters, 11yrs, 14 yrs, 171/2 year old. I have a daughter 17, and son 21. We went to a teacher parent conferance for my husband daughter,(17 1/2 year old) she is senior, but taking junior courses because she failed them last year. was informed last night she is not doing her homework and fail to pass in essay on college/ research. She also had to write and essay on Woodrow Wilson due today. When we arrived at home I asked her " how the woodrow wilson coming along" Well, that didn't go over to well , I was told i was stepping over my boundies. and don't confront erin anymore about her school work.this young lady is stubborn: selfish;lazy; on VERY, confertational. Irish blood I guess. Was I wrong for saying something? What ever I say to her she runs back to daddy and complains and argues with him. Should I say out of this area(school work) and let him handle it?|||she might just be afraid that you are wanting to take her mother's place. u need to speak with ur husband and let him know u want to talk to his kids and let them understand that you are there for them, whether they want you to be or not. i went through 1 stepmom and now im going through another, but i still have my real mom as well. i am also 17 1/2yrs. old too. but my stepmom was a ***** and acted like she precious daughter was all that matter. but you actually care. too bad mine wasnt like that, oh well. but when your husband tells his kids especially the 17 yr. old let them know that you both want to talk, not just you, because then they won't want to open up. but have a family talk like after dinner or after school, but not during dinner, because some people might not have an appetite if they have to talk about something that they dont want to. but dont get upset over anything they say, let them open up and listen to everything they must say. if no one starts talking then u start out the conversation by asking how they feel about you or u being there now for them to talk to. good luck, and be kind and listen don't act like their mother. step parents have to worst job, they have to just sit back and enjoy the ride.|||Talk with Daddy and find out the real scoop into why it has been ignored.

Your on the right track.|||it is just a difficult age!go to the schools psicologyst and ask how to act!|||Yep, bide your time, she'll be out of there in about a year. In the meantime, let her dad deal with her issues as long as she is respectful to you when it matters.|||yeah im only a teenager but. i think that she was just mad because it was incinuated that she needed to do work when she didnt want to, so she tried to get you off her her case by saying what she thought would hurt/get to you the most.|||Sweetie, stay out of it. Let the dad do the work. She is a teenager already and it's gonna be difficult to get her trust. Focus on gaining her trust little by little, but don't push things.|||As long as he is willing to handle it….let him. You don't need to butt heads with a step-daughter because you aren't going to win. However, she better learn real quick that when she flunks out of school, you aren't paying for her to live either. If both you and your husband can't present a united front…you better leave it to him. I wouldn't even go to P-T conferences anymore. It's nice to want to help, but don't get dumped on every time you try.|||I would just leave it to him - she probably resents you and wants to give you a hard time - my partners daughter from his previous marriage went into my closet and smeared face cream all over my clothes - there was no reason for this, I`ve only ever been nice to her… dont forget all those hormones raging round all over the place at that age - I really would stay out of it and let him handle it.|||just step down. your going to lose this battle everytime

i understand, there's a respect issue. she probably gets by with alot. jsut stay away tell your new husband how you feel, tell him you are concerned, and tell him your staying out. congrats on the new hubby and good luck!|||I am a senior and I have to take some junior classes, but not because I was lazy I just didn't have motivation. I wish that my parents were there to help me. You should help her because if you don't it may stick with her. Like if she has to repeat her senior year, she has to have motivation that a mother knows how to give.

Good luck!|||I recommend that you agree with your husband how you will handle these situations with both lots of children. It's important that you agree to support one another in front of the children and discuss any disagreements on your own. If not, your life will become a battle ground and no one will be happy.

Demonstrating a united front from the outset will stop this kind of behaviour and make everyone's lives easier.|||Let your husband handle his rude disrespectful daughter….Sounds like she needs to talk to someone….how did she handle her mother's death? You didn't do anything wrong…just trying to be helpful….but I really think there is something wrong with her….|||At that age they are all that way but your being a step-mom probably isn't beneficial to you. I would leave this one up to her dad and let him deal with her.|||talk with your husband, you have every right to be concerned for her welfare.. you might not be her mother, but have taken on that resposibility. she needs to respect you. seems to me she needs a kick in the butt…|||you need to sit down and have a talk with her about the fact that you are not trying to replace her mother nor do you want to be her mother. explain to her that you wish to be in her life and you ask questions because you genuinely care about her. Tell her your frustrations so she understands that its not one sided.|||I have a friend in a simular situation!!

You were not in the wrong but it is only the beginning, or it was for my friend. The best thing is to stay strong and not let them push you about.

This will put alot of strain on your relationship but so long you both commuicate.

My advice is to keep asking her how things are going at school. Eventually she will learn that your not an enermy that you just want to help and perhaps be a friend!!

Just remember this can take time.

Stay strong and i hope it all works!!

Good luck xx|||You were not wrong you were right to care! However, a step mother is a thankless job. You need to tell your husbnad what happened, and he needs to talk to her. She sounds like she has problems dealig with hte deathof her mother, thats why she is doing bad in school..and she may have a problem with you because she was not ready for her dad to get remarried and did not want him to replace her mom. Just have him talk to her, and say, i know you may not yet be comfortable with (you), but when I am not here, i expect you to listen to her because i put her in charge, so if i found out you did not listen you willhave ME to deal with. Also refrain from using the titles (step daughter/mother) with her because she sounds as if she is not ready for them. Good luck. :)|||Just 7 weeks married….how long did it take you to adjust to major 'stuff' in your life when you were 17 1/2? EVERYTHING should be left to the father (concerning his kids) until you can establish a solid friendship with these kids (and get a grip on the idea that it may never happen). But at some point they may be willing to work with you.

Or not. It's the nature of blended families.|||Before talking to her, you should talk to him. Just let him know that you are trying to do what's best. But in the end it will be his choice because it's his daughter. What ever you decide, make sure that you are united and stick to it. Only stay out of it if that's what he wants. But it will only hurt her in the long run.

Good luck.|||Being 17 myself and having a Step-Mother in my life, I think that you may want to start your relationship with her from another perspective, maybe as (even though I know your Married) only do things that a friend of her Dad would. Would a friend of her Dad ask her questions about her HW? No. Start it off like that. You have only been in her life for 7 Weeks, and as teenagers authority is the enemy for us. She may have been very close to her Dad before, and feels threatned by your presence. Although it would be in her best interest to do her work so she can pass, you must let her start to learn from her mistakes so that your advice will become all the more valuable in the long run.|||I have a step daughter who is 16, she is mouthy and rude….I have found that no matter what I say..it is wrong and wronger. I just stay out of things, let her and her father deal with stuff….I am kind to her however….it has been made clear to me that she is not interested in what I say and will do the opposite. In fact last year I told her she was going to fail in math just to check this theory…..she got an A.|||Who said you stepped over bounds? If step-dtr, she's wrong but she's a teen. If husband, he was really, really wrong.

It is your job as step-parent to assist your step-child who is still a minor with all aspects of her life, certainly including school.

Definitely talk to husband and you both agree on how to handle. You shouldn't be asked to step aside. You were asked to welcome the child into your home, so therefore you have rights to parent the child.

p.s. stubborn, lazy, selfish, confrontational - all age-appropriate for teen.|||First- you and dad get on the same page. If he doesn't care, then why should you?

Second- make it clear what the plan is- is she allowed to stay in the house after she graduates or fails? Or is she expected to get a job and be on her own? If dad plans on her living there until she's 40 regardless, then you kind of have a problem there.|||she may feel she's grown she may feel that you are taking her moms place talk to dad ask if there may be ways to become her friend as well as a parent it'll take longer because she's the oldest and the family has grown find a way to be there for her if she needs someone she'll come around|||My husband has a daughter who just turned 13. If I were you, since this child is 17 years old, I think I'd just leave things up to her dad. Should he approach you about helping in this school work area, then I'd talk to him about what he expects. Once you all have that ironed out, both of you sit down with the daughter and tell her what the new deal is going to be.

As far as other aspects of life in your household, I suggest that you and your husband sit down and figure out how things are going to be done and how tattle-telling is going to be handled. Then, both of you sit down with the children still living at home and spell it out for them. Don't forget to divulge the information about punishment for a child who runs to daddy because you took your rightful authoritative place in your own house.

Good luck.|||First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Second of all, I truly believe that step-parenting is one difficult job with too many gray areas, and I wish you success. Sounds like your 17-year-old stepdaughter is angry, perhaps about many things, and she may not be ready or even able to talk to you about it. But she needs to speak with someone. Dad may not be the best choice either. If college is her goal, there's no time to mess around.

I was faced with a stepdaughter with anger issues as well. She was convinced that I was the anti-Christ and did her best to make it impossible for us to live together. But with the help of a counselor, we survived. She's in her thirties now, a loving mother herself. Happy endings are possible.

Good luck to you, and never lose faith.|||yes maybe it is time to just step back and let daddy handle it . If she fails again then make an agreement with daddy that you are going to handle it from then on . i think this girl has an attitude problem and your husband should have backed you up . blended families are very hard to begin with . good luck .|||I too am a step mom my step daughter is only 8 but still gives me a little attitude. It's hard because we are suppose to be the mother figure yet they don't see us that way. One tip is to discuss this with your husband. He knows his daughter and it may be best for him to handle things with his daughter but he also may want your help, it's hard to be a single father. I would suggest helping out with the daughter when asked by either her or your husband. By pushing your love on her it will only draw her farther away. It's hard and I wish the kids would just understand that we are just trying to help them and love them. Good luck!!|||you did not raise her and you are not her mother.STAY out of her business.|||Yes and no she need to understand that you are in her dads life now. Do this sit her down and tell her I do not want to get into ur business but I am your dads wife and I care for you that is why I ask you I am not her to replace your mother I am here to be ur friend someone you can talk to. Ask he if she wants you to be involved ask her what he problem is with you and how you guys can get along give her attention. And if all fails do what my father did to be he took everything away cell phone tv everything.|||I would just stay out of it, she is nearly grown and will have to accept you on different grounds.